HUMAN BEINGS CONTINUE TO EVOLVE....zuki is growing hair out of his ears...jeez
Good Morning Darwinians,
My sympathies to the two or three of you skimming this stain on your way to a double cappuccino, but get comfortable. I know that sounds a bit presumptuous and I apologize, but honestly the truth is the truth! Sometimes it’s simply a matter of hearing a knock at the door! Even in the midst of a torpedo attack, sometimes shear lucidity supersedes panic to deliver the day!
Sadly though, we continue to buy lotto tickets. Hope is such an elixir that those that have figured a way to bottle it have become wealthy. The problem is and will continue to be that it’s impossible to predict with any certainty when the inevitable will materialize! We’re helpless to avoid it. Eventuality comes to us all!
This fact was irrevocably scratched into my brain as I watched two people implode; each contributing a unique brand of stupidity. It was sort of like watching the sequel to “Dumb and Dumber” only without an ending, tragically inane, and not funny. I’m spending way too much time at the bar as these events all seem to involve excess and defy logic.
I used to be able to find idiocy in other places, but of late I rarely go other places. So in the tradition of the ‘Diatribe’ I report objectively….”you decide.” I hesitate to use their names as it may cause undo suffering to their respective families, but the story must be told. Last Saturday I came into the bar about sunset having just finished a round of golf. Personally I was exhausted given the accoutrements suitable for the occasion, and 9 holes in the mid-day sun. I was baked and ordered ice water and found a seat at the other end of ‘Curmudgeon Corner.’
Being dehydrated I downed the first glass almost immediately and began working on a second, when I heard vulgar, loud, and angry swearing. The hissing and cursing was mixed with raucous laughter. I stood up and looked down the other end to see one of our own tied at the wrist with an evil looking fat tatted biker-chick contained within a 10 foot area created by the half-dozen morons that circled them. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!
With left wrists tied to each other and the right hand used to hold a 16 oz beer, they spun each other around screaming brutal insults! It was organized such that they took turns in delivering their personal defilements to either annoy or please the blood thirsty patrons. The idea was to cause the other to spill beer and suffer extreme humiliation! The crowd participated by rooting for their favorite and then high five each other when it was obvious one of the combatants delivered a zinger to the other. The way I understood this goofy contest is one could either tap out and untie themselves leaving immediately running the gauntlet of jeers toward the exit, spill one’s beer, or by crying which is an immediate disqualification. The contest continued until one or all of the above happen.
At one point the viciousness of this match of wits came to a head when the evil dyke hocked a loogie in the eye of our curmudgeon associate! Without a free hand our good friend had no way to relieve the stinging pain and endured the slimy ooze as it crawled down his face. Our boy used part of his beer to rinse his eye driving the crowd crazy further urging the evil dyke on. While his head was tilted up and his good eye shut, she didn’t hesitate and kicked him squarely in the nards dropping him to his knees!
Sadly he began to cry in addition to spilling the rest of his beer so it was over. I felt his shame and my heart was broken to see one of our own limp out the door amidst scorn and ignominy. I’d be surprised if we ever see him again.
Like in nature, these contests rarely end up in death but do allow the strongest individual to breed and insert themselves in conversations. Unfortunately the evil dyke feels at home at my bar and none of the curmudgeons will take this behemoth on. I’m going to call for a special session of the rules committee for dwarf tossing to assess the damage and recommend actions to mitigate this intruder’s visit to our bar. Stay tuned.
zuki
