DEATH COMES TO DEWEY'S....curmudgeons gather pay last respects
Good Morning Druids of Casuistry,
A sudden, accidental, unexpected or traumatic death shatters the world as we know it. It is often a loss that does not make sense. We realize that life is not always fair and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. A sudden death leaves us feeling shaken, unsure and vulnerable. Common examples of this are found everywhere! Heart attacks, strokes, ruptured aneurysms, accidents, post operative complications, anaphylactic shock, and the closing of a beloved bar are prime causations. The grief response following a sudden loss is nearly always intensified since there is little to no opportunity to prepare mentally or say good-bye. Patrons, curmudgeons, and even family are forced to face the loss without warning, leaving an empty hollow vacuous void that was once filled with beer and joyous refrain. This type of loss can generate intense grief responses such as shock, anger, guilt, depression, despair and hopelessness with occasional flatulence.
This is a time we need to stay close to one another and be ever vigilant in looking for signs of acute depression or even suicide. I happen to know the cessation of Dewey's hit our good friend and fellow committee member rather hard. Since the announcement and subsequent spread of this horrific news Dv'ant has not been seen. He's taken time off work and with his vicious dog set out for a 'walk-about.' His bride is worried sick. "He's not had a beer in 72 hours, I think he's in trouble but don't know what to do!" Those of you that know our dear blowhard will attest that for him to not have beer in three days points to an upcoming psychotic episode. Madcow and Touched could be seen placing flowers beneath the padlocked doors of Dewey's openly weeping. Even JJ and the Bagwan put their petty differences aside and threw a beer bottle from JJ's speeding Jeep shattering it on the empty parking lot. Poo girded up his loins but wore only his shabby leather hat and defecated in the mailbox. It was a perfect shot! Cush could be seen waving his arms in a highly animated spirited one-sided conversation with the building, but fractured his big toe when he kicked the SW corner of our former home.
We all deal with grief in our own way and each should be respected. However something this big could trigger deep seated emotions about bed wetting, or school yard humiliation, that eventually opens 'Pandora's Box;' unleashing the demons and poisons suppressed for decades! Look, I've never been an advocate for counseling and that’s been well documented, but thinks perhaps one more group session to formally bid farewell to an institution is in order. For the two or three of you reading this Kleenex that can make it, we'll be holding Dewey's memorial and afterthought services today at 5:00 PM to lay Dewey's to rest. University Bar & Grill will host this service because let's face it; they stand to be the beneficiaries of Dewey's demise. For those of you that refuse to join us or can't make it, please raise a glass toward Denver or the general direction of Federal and Bellevue and help us say good-bye.
Personally this closes yet another chapter in life’s rich pageant but feel a bit lost. There's seven years of memories, most of them sad, yet the experiences that were good were VERY good! I will miss it. Like all changes it will mean not associating with many of the patrons again, which in most cases is a good thing, yet there are those characters like 'Filthy Phil', 'Jim the TV Screamer,' 'Robert the Retard,' 'Frank the Shank,' and Hillary's breasts that I shall miss the most. As we begin a new chapter I think it's important for us to remember the lessons learned at Dewey's and put our collective best foot forward.
The weekend came and went as it always does; much too fast. I was hunkered down in my little hovel waiting for pay-day when our neighborhood lost electricity. It’s such a pain in the ass when it happens because no one from Xcel is going to call to apologize and credit your account for the power lost and personal discomfort. We have no way of knowing how long our piece of the grid will be down! My shanty faces west and in August gets much too hot without AC, so I donned my tennis shoes and shorts and decided to walk around the neighborhood. Interestingly everything including the high school practice fields is connected by a network of nature paths that criss-cross a feeder creek and is actually well maintained for a flood overflow! The entry is less than a block away, so I left my sauna and began to explore.
Given the zoo I call home I always knew economically speaking I lived in an ‘E’ neighborhood. For those of you not familiar with this term, it’s a simple demographic representing the income levels of every block in the city. A point of contrast would be ‘Cherry Hills.’ It would be labeled an ‘A’ neighborhood with ‘E’ being the poorest. As I took in the surrounding businesses and services it occurred to me how much more than a blue-collar trailer trash wife-beating locale it really is. Within a three block area I found ‘Metropolitan Psychological Services,’ ‘Clinical health Psychology,’ ‘Cobblestone Bookstore & Women’s Tarot Association,’ ‘Jay Schneider, PhD, ABPP,’ and ‘The Colorado State Government ‘Nervous’ Hospital.’ I had no idea I reside smack-dab in the middle of the ‘Cotton Box’ section of town, and I’m a bit ambivalent about it. Why wasn’t I told? Who’s responsible?
Not only was I terrorized by this ‘new shit that had come to light’ I was beginning to sweat profusely. It was close to 100 degrees and it was obvious I was ‘pitting’ up with the inevitable salt stains in all the wrong places, so I made my way down to the creek. Scooping up water I splashed my face and immediately cooled down. Careful not to ingest it, the water definitely soothed my sweaty neck and felt refreshed. Still looking down at the running water I could clearly see my reflection. I continued to stare thinking what a handsome devil I am, when darkness beset me. I felt coerced to look deeper beyond my reflection to find the epiphany that most certainly awaited me. Then brilliant light replaced the darkness! Eureka!
I made my way back to the Cobblestone Bookstore & Women’s Tarot Association. Not knowing what I was to do exactly, I winged it and just walked in. Like the old EF Hutton commercials, the discussion ceased and as if choreographed the 10 women seated in a circle turned and stared at me. Beth politely asked “Can I help you?” I smiled and replied, “Is it possible to browse your bookstore?” “I’m afraid the bookstore is closed” she explained, “But feel free to join our discussion group” she invited, inserting another chair. “Is this what I’m supposed to do?” I thought. Beth is a reasonably attractive woman I guess to be in her fifties, but knew deep down she had to be a crazy person. Pressing on I accepted her invitation and took a seat.
After introductions Beth tried to get me ‘caught up’ and explained the discussion was focused primarily on the Goddess Gaia. Is she the God of Earth? Or is she the Mother Goddess from which ALL other Gods are sprung? Weighty issues for Wiccans worldwide to be sure. Since I had no prior knowledge of such things, I asked in a very level monotonic voice how she expected to find the truth? After the normal drivel about faith and some grand neopagen plan, I further explained to the group how their little coffee clutch is no different than any other religious sect, church, cult, mosque, or what-have-you; they all need money and claim to be the only true path back to God. Beth had taken on the very pinched look my ex-wife gets when displeased, and lost her hostess demeanor. She thought it best I leave.
As a parting shot I turned around and shouted, “You morons, what makes you think God even wants’ you back?” I turned and exited. God does indeed work in mysterious ways because it appeared the meeting broke up soon after my tirade and perhaps saved these desperate women a few shekels. Sometimes being a vassal has its rewards. “God bless us everyone” – Tiny Tim
PSYCHOTIC MORONS AT THE BAR.....it must be football season
Outside of Golf I'm certainly a cheechako when it comes to sports prognostication. It's no doubt universal because regardless of where one is, it's truly one thing you can count on when spending time at a bar. Sports talk! Every asshole pounding a beer has a brilliant observation or a prediction regarding the local team. It doesn't seem to matter that the vast majority of these savvy keen-eyed sportsman never played a sport on ANY level! Geek, Turd, or Plumber all feel uniquely qualified to bend everyone's ear with the very same point of view read in the newspaper or heard on ESPN! Insightful is hardly the word that describes the daily slabber and fist pounding found in thousands of bars across this great nation! In my limited access to those that know, I'm aware of one person who studies and worships sports to such a degree he'll always have an original thought. Most normal well adjusted people wouldn't think of copying someone else's work (festeringboil excluded), yet have zero qualms morphing their view from plagiarizing others paid to have an opinion! I find this very disturbing.
I guess we shouldn't be surprised at the level of thievery but have never quite understood the intensity with which people attach themselves to the weekly or even daily fortunes of a team! Every year you read about someone killing themselves because the losing streak was too much to take! I personally know grown men who weep (you know who you are) after a hard-fought loss! My friend in Clearwater Beach Florida had to be consoled by his buddies and talked down from the roof on his wedding day because his beloved Dolphins lost! He was actually ready to call the whole thing off. Looking back, knowing what I know now, we should have let him; but that's another story.
Somebody needs to explain this to me.
Some of you may remember the infamous ‘Mini-Bat Night’ at Shea Stadium some years ago. As a promotion pint-sized bats were given out (size of a Billy-Club) to the first 8,000 Met’s fans to watch a game with the Yankee’s. The Met’s lost badly resulting in hundreds of people (mostly Yankee fans) seriously beaten with these deadly give-a-ways! Clear thinking from the marketing crew! Beer, Brauts, and Bashing; very nice. I suppose in some ways this oddity parallels parenting, in that if someone disparages your kid they might as well say it to your face, because that child is a part of you and you will defend them to the death.
Yet, the fact remains this unbridled loyalty can’t explain the TV screamers having a psychotic episode at the bar. Veins bulging from the neck, they scream as if the coaching staff will hear them and make the suggested adjustments! Yes, Football season is upon us. While I too look forward to seeing the game each week, I think I’ll find alternative ways to enjoy it this year and avoid the frothy ranting of drunken mad men.
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
zuki
31/08/2010 07:23
HAPPY B DAY LULA!! MORE SPOILED MILK FOR YOU!!!
ZUKI
23/08/2010 07:24
HAPPY B DAY KIMSTER!! NEVER EVER LOSE THE TOOL BELT!! LOVE YA
zuki
13/08/2010 13:45
Thanks AZZ, in some small way you were part of it...sort of....but thanks
Good Morning Druids of Casuistry,
Good Morning Delicate Flowers,
Outside of Golf I'm certainly a cheechako when it comes to sports prognostication. It's no doubt universal because regardless of where one is, it's truly one thing you can count on when spending time at a bar. Sports talk! Every asshole pounding a beer has a brilliant observation or a prediction regarding the local team. It doesn't seem to matter that the vast majority of these savvy keen-eyed sportsman never played a sport on ANY level! Geek, Turd, or Plumber all feel uniquely qualified to bend everyone's ear with the very same point of view read in the newspaper or heard on ESPN! Insightful is hardly the word that describes the daily slabber and fist pounding found in thousands of bars across this great nation! In my limited access to those that know, I'm aware of one person who studies and worships sports to such a degree he'll always have an original thought. Most normal well adjusted people wouldn't think of copying someone else's work (festeringboil excluded), yet have zero qualms morphing their view from plagiarizing others paid to have an opinion! I find this very disturbing.