THE SEARCH FOR POO..AGAIN....zuki goes to in n out burger
Good Morning People of Clemency,
With little to go on in terms of clues, it seems our friend Poo has once again slithered his way out of our lives. I think it's been well established our one-time anchor at 'Curmudgeon Corner' is somewhat diminished in his capacity to reason these days and prone to mis-adventure. His children are of the belief 'we' continue to be a bad influence and detrimental to their beloved father's health. Whenever I inquire as to their father's whereabouts I'm stonewalled and curtly told to go away. Consequently I'm always left to my own devises to put myself in his shoes and figure out where he headed. As you might imagine this 'discovery' process can lead to odd happenstances.
The last time I saw our demented friend was at Dewey's, and as is his custom of late, he began to grope, even feel-up several of our female guests. At first everyone thought it was cute in a lecherous sort of way, but most of them have grown weary of it and now threaten to press charges. In interviewing these victims I asked them if they remembered anything beyond his slobbering stories of Chinese debauchery that would help locate him. All but Dee Dee couldn't understand him let alone retrieve useful information. Dee Dee has known our besmirched associate as long as anyone, and one of the few able to interpret his incoherent blathering. When I approached Dee Dee to ask a few questions, she immediately knew what I was after and said without hesitation, Poo was headed to the ‘In N Out Burger’ for a 'Double Meat' and a whore named "Purdie."
I got to the In N Out and started asking around. The fry dude told me if I waited around until 6:00 PM Purdie usually got a Diet Coke and sat in the back booth. What the hell it was only 15 minutes, so I ordered a 4 X 4 'Animal Style' and waited. The fry guy was spot on as a semi-attractive woman came in alone, purchased a Diet Coke, and sat in the booth next to the rear door. I approached Purdie and asked if I could sit down and she eagerly said “yes.” I described Poo to her and asked if he was a client. I knew I’d fucked up because she immediately suspected me of being a cop and withdrew. I assured her I wasn’t and explained Poo’s precarious situation. Purdie looked as though she’d seen a ghost so I asked her what was wrong. “I may have killed him” she bemoaned with guilt, “This man is the kinky-ist SOB I’ve ever met!” “What do you mean” I asked with some trepidation. Lowering her voice she whispered, “He likes me to pretend I’m his mother” she said blushing a little, “I mean not just to ‘nurse’ but to change his diapers, sing nursery rhymes, and burp him! When we met up yesterday he now wanted me to spank him in addition to the other weird things” she continued, “AND HE REALLY LIKED IT!” she said obviously proud of herself. With a little more urging, she finally told me Poo had mentioned right after his diaper change he was planning a trip to ‘Timber Line.’ Now I knew where he was generally, but just exactly where was still a ’needle in a haystack.’
On a hunch I called Pitkin County Sheriff’s Department and asked if there were any reports of strange or unusual behavior involving an old man wearing a “Crocodile Dundee” hat. Dispatch asked me why I was interested so I lied and told her Poo was my father. She put me on hold so I was forced to listen to the “Ray Coniff” singers do “Let it Be” by the Beatles; it was very disturbing. Lt Heffernan got on the phone and told me they had arrested a man running naked in the campgrounds with only his ugly leather hat. Evidently Poo wouldn’t give his name, but claimed to be ‘King of the Forest’ and those people camping were trespassing and demanded they leave immediately. I knew this could only be our good friend Poo. I told the good Lt. I was sending someone to post bail and headed west.
By the time I arrived the entire department was running around with weapons drawn; flashlights pointing in all directions. I stopped a Deputy to ask what was going on and as I suspected, Poo had lost his orange jump-suit and had escaped headed for Aspen. Like ‘Cool hand Luke’ I’d lost his trail. I’m not sure how long one can survive naked at timber line, so please help me. I’m forming a search party and so far only Phat-Ass has volunteered. Jeez.
I got home about an hour ago and the police car just left the cul-de-sac with no shots fired. I would like to delay my comment till the morning given the anxiety of the police pursuit and the ambiguity in Zuki's remarks.
I am too drunk to comprehend that there is a lounge area in a In-n-Out and the idea that some part of Pitkin County would accomodate these two turd balls.
I have left a wake-up call for 10:00 --- I did not specify AM or PM.
Well I am glad I waited until morning because we obviously have a situation here. Under normal conditions tracking Poo in the mountains is very difficult given his extensive training in covert ops. These are not normal times as the Colorado mountains are experiencing their worst ever infestation of mountain pine beetles which are killing millions of trees. Poo being naked is the ultimate camouflage. There is no way the human eye can distinguish between the bark of a dead tree and Poo's skin. All he has to do is stand still and even the best Indian tracker would run right by him without even a second glance.
Here is what I suggest: we try to determine an approximate location using DV ANT to track Poo's scat. We are fortunate to have DV ANT for this job since he is considered an expert in the field and he has seen some of Poo's samples on the floor of Deweys. Once we think we have a general idea of his location we do a controlled burn and wait for one of the "trees" to come running out of the forest.
What a stroke of genius!! This is of course why you're the 'Holy Fucker' You're absolutely right about Poo's skin color and the surrounding background. I actually spoke with Dv'ant this morning to check his availability. Unfortunately he will be helping one of our own and will not be able to apply his skill at this time. He wishes the search party the best of luck but says Phat-Ass is only in it for Poo's money!
My only source of info regarding Poo comes from this site. According to what I've read Poo sounds as if he lives a penury lifestyle with few friends. I just can't trust what I read here to be factual. Someone tell me that facts.
POO POO POO
How can you describe him
Morbid rebarbative impecunious
明天，和明天，和明天，
一天又一天从小兵在这种小的步伐，
对记录的时间最后一个音节上;
和我们所有的昨天，都点燃傻瓜
对尘埃死亡方式。出来，出来，简短的蜡烛！
生活的影子，但一走，一个贫穷的球员，
这Struts和品位小时后，他的舞台，
然后是听不到了。这是一个故事
告诉一个白痴，声音和愤怒充分，
意味着什么。
Writes and speaks Chinese (sent to Yale by the CIA)
Cessna spy plane trips over Mainland China during Vietnam
“ What’s the capital of Burkina Faso”
“Ouagadougou”
Map of Africia on his bathroom wall across from the toilet
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and noth
O’ my god he’s quoting the Raven again
Rolled his pick up truck
Paralyzed from the neck down abandoned by his wife loved by his children
It got better
Coors Light extra special reserve same glass
Funky leather hat
Occasionally marinates himself in after shave
(Savage tool or the like)
Jerry Grant AKA EL POO AKA Turd AKA Guano The man the legend
Translation
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
I hope this clears the air fez, I don't believe anyone could have capsulized our wayward associate as did Dv'ant. In fact he may have given you too much info and now slated for termination.
Many thanks to Dv ant for a rather unusual description. If I may capsulize this if only for simplification, Poo is an ex-CIA operative who is prone to drunken episodes of dark foreboding licentious behavior with intermittent wanderlust.
They naturally attracted to the ambiance at curmudgeon corner of course,
We have a former FBI agent as well given to the occasional pursuit of punks in the parking lot with a broken beer bottle
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
zuki
31/08/2010 07:23
HAPPY B DAY LULA!! MORE SPOILED MILK FOR YOU!!!
ZUKI
23/08/2010 07:24
HAPPY B DAY KIMSTER!! NEVER EVER LOSE THE TOOL BELT!! LOVE YA
zuki
13/08/2010 13:45
Thanks AZZ, in some small way you were part of it...sort of....but thanks
Good Morning People of Clemency,
I am too drunk to comprehend that there is a lounge area in a In-n-Out and the idea that some part of Pitkin County would accomodate these two turd balls.
I have left a wake-up call for 10:00 --- I did not specify AM or PM.