BAGWAN'S DALLIANCE.....truly a gift for all mankind
Good Morning Victims of Circumstance,
There seems to be a never ending stream of bull shit emanating from the mouths of infectious drip-dicks that the once famous 'Susie Chapstick' was seen engaged in coitus with the 'Bagwan;' staining the ‘Doghouse’ parking lot. Not rushing to judgment I did some asking around and conducted a thorough investigation. Based on DNA samples taken from smeared spooge left on the dashboard of Suzy’s car, it appears the rumor is true. While this in its self isn't surprising, the fact our 'Holy Fucker' broke his 15 year vow of celibacy for a fat dried up old hag with thinning hair has me in a foul mood. If one takes on the thankless job of being the 'Diatribe's' spiritual leader, swearing to abstain from carnal pleasure, then one must do it! Never mind he's married to his sainted wife, how in Rutabaga's name does he insert his 'Johnson' into that bag of worms?
For the two or three of you too young to remember, Suzy Chaffee after doing well in the Winter Olympics became the attractive spokeswoman for Chapstick brand lip balm and forever known as ‘Suzy Chapstick.’ She went on to become a political activist for women's causes in the 70's and her talent as a lobbyist became widely known when it was revealed she fucked Ted Kennedy to get the 1978 Amateur Sports Act passed into law. I thought I had read someplace Sleazy Suzy had moved back to Colorado, and it appears she has. 'Bagovermehead' never had a chance!
Now we the disillusioned have no spiritual compass to set a moral course for this our humble forum. Oh the shame! "Oh the humanity" Oh shit!
This will no doubt come down to an emergency committee meeting to discuss disciplinary action or possible sanctions against the ‘Holy Fucker’ for breach of contract. I’m in hopes it won’t come down to that. We curmudgeons do whine and complain allot, often asking for the head of a perceived ne’er-do-well, but we’re also a kind and forgiving lot. Besides Just Jackin,’ who of us hasn’t fallen prey to the charms of a seductress bent on picking our pockets? Sure we hold Baggy to a higher standard but in spite of his claims he is after all mortal; subject to failure.
I intend to interview (provided I can be worked into his schedule) the mystic to determine his contriteness and willingness to learn from this unfortunate mess to once again rise up and become our spiritual compass. His attendant’s claim he’s been locked in the ‘Meditation Room’ for the last 72 hours since the news of his dalliance became public. I think this is a good sign. I’m sure he feels just awful about this and is seeking further light and knowledge. I suspect he’ll emerge from this ugly dilemma a changed man thus benefiting us all.
In the mean time though, I hope his ‘Johnson’ turns into a burnt matchstick!
Just two days ago I posted the following here on the Diatribe:
"#7 | Bagwan on July 21 2010 12:53:43
As a Bagwan my role in life is simply to help others any way I can. I offer you kind words of encouragement yet you feel provoked. If I can't help you with my kindness, I am willing to help you by being your whipping boy. Go ahead my son and let all that venom out of your body. Attack me and malign my good name if it will make you better. The attacks do not sting me as I have risen above the petty human emotions that bind you to your despair."
Well we can see that Zuki has taken me up on my offer. The offer was sincere and I am glad he is willing to attempt this as a form of therapy. We are really out of other options to help this poor sick fuck.
I want to thank everyone for what I think was positive encouragement but have decided to delete Zuki’s site from my ‘favorite’ list. No wait, I’m not really going to burn this blog. On the contrary, I think I’ll keep the link alive. And really, how could I not? When so many people rely on this site for their creepy Google searches? (“three-boobed chicks” would be a personal favorite) Good luck Bagwan
Thanks for hanging around Mom, I appreciate your faith. As for Baggy-pants, it appears from his response that he’s in complete denial. I just hope he doesn’t blame me for his outrageous behavior because I still believe!
Keep letting it out, let it all out. I think attacking me is going to give you the catharsis you have been looking for. We tried to get you to admit your own faults but you couldn't. We have found this outlet for you where you can say all these nasty things about me and in doing so, purge them from your soul. This is wonderful --- this is special.
For those of you who don't know Zuki personally I would like you to know that he did not find that lady pictured here on the Internet --- he found her picture in his wallet.
Remember when he tried to tell us that skankiness is all relative. Well ladies and gentlemen met Zuki's relative.
I've contacted ms chapstick for follow up and she asked me to give you a message:
Baby it's okay....I know you promised to call me...I'll always remember the Doghouse...but next time bring viagra it makes it so much more interesting for both of us.
I want to thank you all for the many cards and letters I have received offering support. While Zuki's scurrilous lies don't hurt me, I do worry about the effect on my family and followers. What I want you all to remember is that if we took lying away from Zuki that these pages would be blank
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
zuki
31/08/2010 07:23
HAPPY B DAY LULA!! MORE SPOILED MILK FOR YOU!!!
ZUKI
23/08/2010 07:24
HAPPY B DAY KIMSTER!! NEVER EVER LOSE THE TOOL BELT!! LOVE YA
zuki
13/08/2010 13:45
Thanks AZZ, in some small way you were part of it...sort of....but thanks
Good Morning Victims of Circumstance,
"#7 | Bagwan on July 21 2010 12:53:43
As a Bagwan my role in life is simply to help others any way I can. I offer you kind words of encouragement yet you feel provoked. If I can't help you with my kindness, I am willing to help you by being your whipping boy. Go ahead my son and let all that venom out of your body. Attack me and malign my good name if it will make you better. The attacks do not sting me as I have risen above the petty human emotions that bind you to your despair."
Well we can see that Zuki has taken me up on my offer. The offer was sincere and I am glad he is willing to attempt this as a form of therapy. We are really out of other options to help this poor sick fuck.